Daniel Ausbun
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Three Guidelines for Counseling Women

6/3/2018

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Tragedy has struck the Southern Baptist Convention the past several weeks. Paige Patterson, president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, was terminated this past week for his handling of sexual abuse with women on two different occasions. Read the statement by Kevin Ueckert, chairman of the board of trustees, here.

This raises the questions for ministers, "How should one counsel the opposite sex? Some ministers claim, "I don't counsel those of the opposite sex." The problem with this statement, is that it's hard to live by. For example, a 3-minute hallway conversation, 20-minute phone call, or a two-hour church trip bus ride can all include counseling.

Many people think of counseling as an one-hour appointment in the pastor's office on a Thursday morning. That might be the case in some instances, but as people seem to be more busy, many ministers will regularly provide "sidewalk counseling" - you run into someone and they're asking you a quick, "What should I do?" counseling question. Even the minister who proclaims, "I don't do counseling" - either through email, text, or Facebook messenger - will find himself giving counsel, even to women.

Here are three guidelines for ministers when counseling women:

1). Answer every question with, "What does the Bible say?" Scripture speaks more truth than man's wisdom. Know your boundaries. Only God can change people, restore relationships, and forgive sins. God's Word doesn't return void (Isaiah 55:11).

2). Accountability is always your friend. Secrecy breeds sin. A minister can have a private conversation but not be in private. Billy Graham once described counseling a woman in the middle of a restaurant, with no one nearby, but everyone looking at them. Your spouse should always have access to email, social media, and texts. Electronic conversations are private, yet in question, should quickly become public.

3). Know your resources. If a crime has been committed - physical abuse, sexual assault, or illegal drug possession - the police must be notified. If ongoing counseling is needed, a minister should refer the lady to an ACBC counselor. One of the names of God is, "Counselor," in John 14:26 - He's the greatest resource a minister can turn to.

When a minister doesn't point people to truth - it's unkind and unloving. When people come to you for counsel, they're saying, "I trust you. Speak truth into my life." The man of God takes every opportunity to point people to Christ.

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Dads, Your Daughter Could Be Human Trafficked (aka a Sex Slave)

3/6/2013

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It began as a friend request from a cute guy. She didn't know him, but wanted a boyfriend. 3 months later her pimp was arranging 4 customers a night and 3 porn videos during the day. This is the life of a sex slave in Atlanta.

Kidnapped, Deceived, Abused, Fearful, Embarrassed, Raped, Silent & Disease describes the life of human trafficking. This is a 32 billion dollar industry. The Super Bowl is the biggest human trafficking event of the year. If you view porn, frequent a massage parlor, stop by a strip club or buy an escort, the young lady is likely a sex slave.

Earlier this year in Atlanta was Passion 2013 led by Louie Giglio. He raised awareness to modern day slavery, which is flourishing. This is a hard truth to handle, and Christians must respond. Atlanta is the number one city in America for human trafficking and Thailand is the number one country in the world.

Be Aware:

It's embarrassing and shameful. A couple of weeks ago I was scammed for $75. I was embarrassed and couldn't believe I fell for it. What if the stakes were higher? What if my boyfriend turned into a pimp and sold me for 6 months? How could I tell my friends? My parents? Many girls (and boys) live with the regret they were fooled into this.

They target certain girls. If your parents are incarcerated, if you're from a broken home, or if you write all over Facebook/Twitter about wanting a boyfriend - a pimp will be searching you. 18 and 19 year old girls are a prime age because they're no longer minors.

Educate your daughter. Dads, you must prepare your daughter how to respond if they're approached by a guy who gives them lots of attention yet barely knows them. Don't believe the lie when your daughter turns 18 that she's now an adult and can make her own decisions - that's when she's most vulnerable. A pimp is preying on attention-needy young ladies - with lies of becoming a model and making lots of money. Run away if a guy ever asks if you'd like to become a model.

Resources:


Street Grace in Atlanta
FBI Human Trafficking
Polaris Project

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What NOT to Wear

1/13/2013

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Here's a guest blog post from Cathy Lee Phillips - Cathy is speaking at First Baptist Moreland's upcoming women's conference. She's an award winning author, singer and speaker who lives in Newnan, Georgia. She's published Silver in the Slop! and frequently writes for The Newnan Times-Herald. Follow her on Facebook and come hear her speak at the 2013 Women's Conference.

Imagine that you are minding your own business when Clinton and Stacy, hosts of "What Not To Wear" approach you with good news and bad news. The bad news is that everything you are wearing is all wrong for your style, hair color, complexion, and body type. It gets worse. They have videos, made without your knowledge, of you wearing your comfortable but hideous clothes. Your friends are watching, not to mention all who watch the show.

Then the good news. If you agree, they will give you a $5,000 gift card, whisk you to New York, and you will buy a whole new wardrobe. (I thought $5,000 wouldn't even buy a bra in New York City!) You have to give up your old clothes and let these two fashion experts guide you toward a new look, including hair and make-up. You return home looking incredible. Everyone applauds and tells you how stunning you look.

Would you do it? Duh. I would.

Sounds exciting, but what Stacy and Clinton don't share is that our clothing is not just something we can buy with a $5,000 gift card. Proverbs 31:25 reminds us, "Strength and honor are her clothing. She laughs at times to come." More importantly, whatever we wear is not nearly as important as who we are because God doesn't look on our outward appearance. God looks on the heart. Having a heart that reflects the heart of God is priceless! And far more important than anything New York has to offer.

The 2013 First Baptist Moreland Women's Conference will remind us that, whatever we wear, our real goal is to always imitate God because He is our real strength. Expect plenty of laughter. You will see friends you know and make new ones. Above all, we pray you grow stronger in faith and your ability to imitate Christ.

I spoke at the 2012 Women's Conference and am incredibly honored to be asked back! Wow! I probably will have more fun than anyone because I will be doing what God has called me to do and I am sure He will provide just what you need to hear. Come see for yourself.

Over eighty women are registered right now and each one is important. But why can't we open the doors to one hundred or more? Invite your family and friends for a day of worship and the best fellowship anywhere! I can't wait to see you at FBC Moreland on Saturday, January 19, 9:00 til 3:30 p.m. And for only $10.

Stacy and Clinton are so jealous!

-Cathy Lee Phillips


Conference Registration - register here

Related Posts:

Cathy Lee Phillips' website
First Baptist Moreland's Women's Ministry Facebook page
5 Keys for a Successful Women's Ministry

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5 Keys for a Successful Women's Ministry

11/30/2012

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Does your church want to be more effective at reaching women for Christ? 61% of church attenders are women. If your church is going to reach it's neighborhood and nations for Christ - ministering to women must be a priority. Here are 5 keys to a successful women's ministry:

1). You need an active women's leadership team. Bethlehem Baptist Church blogs about the role and responsibility of their leadership team. If all the teaching, planning, and counseling falls on one lady - burnout and discouragement will soon follow.

2). You need Bible studies and discipleship groups geared towards women. Small group settings allow for sharing and developing close friends. The teacher/minister will also discover the real issues/needs sitting on a couch with friends.

3). You need women counselors available at your church. Not all women want to tell a male minister/deacon their problems (nor is that healthy) - here's a good book for women learning to counsel other women.

4). You need women involved in missions - including women-only mission opportunities. If your church does ministry towards people in your community, you'll notice the large number of women or single mothers receiving help. Ladies should prioritize missions towards other women - sometimes men are too prideful to ask or receive help - but a mother wants food, clothes and shelter for her children.

5). You need events, retreats and conferences available for women to attend. There are hundreds of women-only conferences, retreats and getaways for ladies to learn and grow. I attend at least 1-2 conferences a year - I always come home wishing everyone could have been there. Here's a women's conference coming up at First Baptist Moreland:
Women's Ministry Resources:

Biblical Woman
Living Proof Ministries
LifeWay Women
The Woman's Study Bible (coming April 2013)
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