Category: Sin

What to do When Your Spouse Commits Adultery

8/3/2023

You suspected it. The signs and secrecy were all there. The increased isolation, unaccounted time, sudden trips to see friends and family. The coldness, critical spirit, sarcasm, and missing money - something wasn't right.

The happy marriage is now a distance memory. It's lies upon lies - you don't know what to believe. You stumbled upon the truth, your fears are confirmed, your spouse has cheated on you.

What do you do when your spouse commits adultery?

1). You must turn to the Lord to heal your marriage. God performed the first marriage between Adam and Eve in Genesis 1:28. He instituted this covenant between a man and a woman, which is the foundation of the family. Since God created marriage, He's the One who can heal and sustain your marriage.

Eventually, the cheating spouse, if he or she is a believer, has to come "to his senses" (Luke 15:17) and turn to the Lord for forgiveness. This could take some time, especially if the cheating spouse is still experiencing the excitement of the affair. You should never let up praying for conviction of sin, and given the opportunity, sharing Biblical truth to your spouse about marriage and adultery.

Remember, it's the Lord who will save your marriage, not you. God is faithful, He wants two believers to stay married. Here are the steps (in order) that need to eventually happen and be addressed:

The adulterer must repent and ask the Lord's forgiveness. God is the ultimate victim of adultery. He created the marriage covenant and you broke it. 2 Samuel 12:13

The adulterer must ask forgiveness of his or her spouse. This likely will take some time, especially if they got "caught" and never really wanted to stop the affair. The adulterer doesn't realize how much they've hurt their spouse, mentally, they've rationalized the affair away, "it's no big deal, just sex."

The hurt spouse must forgive the adulterer and not remind them of their sin every third day. Forgiveness doesn't hold your spouse hostage. They've confessed their sin, you've forgiven them - Christ has forgiven them - this must happen for your marriage to heal and be restored.

2). Be cautious speaking with friends and family. If you speak with someone who doesn't believe what Mark 10:9 says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" - they'll likely encourage you to get divorced.

Jesus said that Moses permitted divorce because the hardness of your hearts (Matthew 19:8). Divorce is not the plan and purpose of marriage.

Don't make life-altering decisions when you're hurting and you just discovered your spouse is cheating on you. Allow the Lord to heal and forgive. If God can raise the dead, you have to believe He can restore your marriage.

3). Begin meeting with a Biblical counselor and / or Bible-believing pastor. Having a couple pray for you, encourage you in worship attendance, and learn to rebuild trust and accountability is a must to prevent future adulterous encounters.

A marriage discipleship plan - couples are praying together, reading Scripture together, and worshiping together - should be in place. This will be a challenging step if your spouse isn't repentant.

Social media, apps, bars, and our immoral culture have made compromise too easy and common.

I believe God can restore any marriage - the betrayal, pain, hurt, broken trust, and embarrassment are all real. I can't promise you a restored marriage, but I can promise you God is faithful as you cry out to Him.

Helpful Resources:
Baptist Press: Adultery, Divorce & the Believer

Billy Graham: Adultery Brings Devastating Consequences

Adrian Rogers: How Do I Forgive My Spouse for Past Mistakes

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Christianity + Pride Festivals

6/29/2019

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Lexington, Kentucky

Downtown Lexington

This weekend is Lexington's Pride Festival. A two-day downtown event that was attended by 32,000 people last year. This June, the city has been promoting it and is expecting larger crowds. This year, the Fayette County Public Schools will have their first-ever booth at PrideFest.

The University of Kentucky and Kroger (where I shop) are two of many sponsors of this festival. This year's festival also coincides with the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall uprising in New York City (this was the beginning of the gay rights movement).

Today's #LexPride headline entertainer, Shadina, who is a R&B singer, known as "the Queen of Pride," said, "There's too many other things going on in the world to be worried about people's sexuality. Pride means love is love, and God loves us all."

All of this poses a crash course collision for Bible-believing Christians. How should a Christian respond with rainbow flags all around?

I believe the Bible, and don't consider myself to be a bigot or prejudice. But...I live in a city, shop at a grocery store, cheer for a SEC team, and send our children to a public school system that believes differently than I.

How do I hold to historic biblical Christianity, yet live among promotion of LGBT values?

First, the Bible is crystal clear about homosexuality. It is condemned in both the Old & New Testaments (Leviticus 20:13; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

The word, "Sodomy" comes from Genesis 19:1-13 when the men of Sodom were trying to have sex with two male angels who were visiting Lot. God rained burning sulfur on Sodom, because their sin was so great.

Jesus affirmed marriage between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:5). Nowhere in the Bible, is there anything positive about homosexuality.

Second, all people (including Christians) will stand before and give an account to God (Hebrews 9:27). God does not care what our culture thinks about progressive sexual ethics. Even if all 7.5 billion people on earth voted to approve of homosexuality, it would still be wrong.

Our lives must line-up with God, He doesn't follow our changing culture. God doesn't change (Psalm 119:89).

Third, Jesus died for everyone, including the adulterer and homosexual offender. Jesus loves all sinners (Luke 19:10).

A Christian should never approve of any sin, salvation is turning from sin and towards Christ. Shadina is correct when she says, "God loves us all."

In response to God's love, we're called to repent and believe in Christ.

Should Christians participate in today's Pride Festival? No.

God wants you and I to tell our homosexual co-workers, friends, family, and neighbors about His Son. Jesus loves and died for the LGBT community. Anyone can be saved.

We must choose sides. Whom will we serve? A believer cannot serve God and endorse sin. You can't "go along to get along."

Christians must boldly stand for biblical truth, even if homosexuality is normalized, the Gospel demands repentance.

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Worrying? Trust God. (from Sherri)

4/8/2014

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Worrying is something that can take hold of you with fear and you can become completely self-absorbed. Worrying often happens when we take our eyes off of God and become consumed with our own circumstances. I relate to Peter. He saw Jesus performing a miracle by walking on water and was excited to join Him. When Peter asked Jesus if he could join Him, Jesus said, "Come." Peter got down out of the boat and started walking on the water towards Jesus. But when he saw the wind and the waves, he became afraid and started to sink. Peter cried out "Lord, save me" (Matthew 14:29-30). As soon as Peter took his eyes off Christ, because of fear from his circumstances, he started to sink.

How often does this happen to us? We feel confident in God's ability to handle our lives, but when we are thrown a curve ball with an unexpected test result or illness we become fearful and begin to worry. Jesus reminds us, "you of little faith," "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31) Jesus asks us the same question today. When our confidence is shaken by external circumstances, why do we doubt?

I see my children get upset so easily by a thunderstorm, or a bump or bruise. I think about how they don't really understand the circumstances because they are just children, and I know they'll be fine. I reassure them, hug them and tell them they shouldn't worry. But then God reminds me that I am just like my children. I get scared and begin to worry. I can't see the big picture and I get fearful, and then God reminds me, "oh you of little faith." Just like the children's song, 'He's Got the Whole World in His Hands.' I have to stop relying on myself, stop worrying, and focus on God. He loves us and cares for us because we are His children.

As much as I love my own children, God loves us an immeasurable amount more. His love is unfathomable. Romans 8:39 states, "neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." How amazing it is that the Creator of the universe loves us this much! Luke 12:7 proclaims, "that indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows." We should rest in God's love, praise Him for His faithfulness, and trust in Him. When we focus on Him, then we can truly release our worries.

RACE for the Orphans 5K in Newnan, Georgia

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How to Talk Someone Out of Committing Suicide

3/15/2013

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Every 40 seconds someone takes their life in the world. 1 million people per year. In America it's every 17 minutes. It is the 10th leading cause of death in the world.

Pictured above is the white chalk cliffs of Beachy Head, England - one of world's most popular places to commit suicide. People are unhappy, lost a job, had a breakup, committed a crime, incurred gambling debt.

Depression, despair, mental disorder and substance abuse are all major influences in suicide.

Some people have planned it for months, others have been thinking about it for a few hours - when someone is talking about killing themselves, you must intervene. 40% of teenage suicides are impulsive.

7 people in the Bible committed suicide, most notably King Saul (1 Samuel 31:4) and Judas (Matthew 27:3-5).

Here are some tips to share when you hear the threats:

First, offer a boatload of hope. Remind them about their children, good memories from the past and how their temporary circumstances or pain will pass. Hopelessness will always be a leading cause of suicide. Financial debt or pending prison is better than ending your life.

Second, remind the person that suicide is murder and breaks the Sixth Commandment (Exodus 20:13). If the person threatening is a Christian, remind them their bodies belong to the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:20). They would kill themselves and literally seconds later must give account for the sin they just committed. This is certainly not the preferred method of reaching God.

Third, tell the person God has a plan for their life. His plan is life not death. Jesus came so people can have an abundant life (John 10:10). If they repent and begin to call on the name of the Lord, He offers the life they're longing for.

Is suicide unforgivable? No. Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that not even death or life can separate us from the love of God. Christ offers the greatest victory over someone considering suicide - hope and life in Him.

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The 5 Signs that You're about to have an Affair

1/2/2013

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God has high standards for His followers. One of the outward signs that you're saved is if you obey His teachings. The 7th commandment in Exodus 20:14 is, "Do not commit adultery."

Jesus took this teaching a step further, by stating that married men should not be thinking about other women (Matthew 5:27-30). God knows if you're married to one woman, yet longing for another.

Adultery is a temptation for any marriage, and if a married man doesn't have safeguards in place, other women can easily enter. Here are 5 signs that you're about to have an affair:

1). Texting. Why would a married man need to text another woman? The problem with texting, compared to other communication, is how quickly the conversation can turn sexual. There's a reason we have the word, "sexting." Wikipedia says 33% of young adults do this.

With camera phones, its too easy to take inappropriate pictures and text them to guys to see their response. You must have open access to your spouse's cell phone.

2). Hugs, back and shoulder rubs. A married man needs to keep his hands to himself. A touchy man could have ulterior motives - he's looking to how you'll respond. Married ladies should purposely avoid touchy men - surround yourself in a group or walk away when he's coming.

3). The conversation is too personal. If you're talking with another man about feelings, relationship issues, troubles, sexual topics or he's giving too many compliments or gifts - you've crossed a boundary. Even worse, if you don't tell your husband what you're talking about with this other man, your conversation is now a secret. Affairs thrive in secrecy.

4). You "cross paths" with your friend. She's always walking down the hall you work on. She stops by your office for no reason - or to ask a "question." If you're crossing paths with someone a little too frequently, another woman is calling to "check on you," or she shows an unexpected interest in your life - these are all red flags.

5). People from your past reappear. Old boyfriends and former guy friends reconnecting with you is dangerous. It brings back memories and thoughts of, "What if..." If you're Facebooking with old girlfriends, the temptation will be to pick-up where you left off.

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3 Signs You're a Selfish Person

12/29/2012

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Do you know the secret to become friends with anyone? Never talk about yourself - only ask questions about others. People love talking about themselves, what they do, what they think, and what they plan to do. In fact, if you do begin talking too much about yourself, people will begin thinking about how they can leave the conversation.

Beyonce sums up American culture with her hit song, "Me, Myself And I."

Selfishness is dangerous, its blinding and it leads to hell (Galatians 5:19-21). Here are 3 signs you're a selfish person:

1). You think of yourself as more righteous than others. You see other people and believe you're better than they are. People who have less money, less education, less involvement in church, less success at their job, less attractive - you look at these people with less and say, "I'm glad I'm not in their shoes."

Jesus warned us our righteousness must exceed the Pharisees - meaning selfish people aren't saved (Matthew 5:20). The god of self can't save you. It's the grace of God any of us are saved (Ephesians 2:8).

2). You refuse to change, because your way is right. We call this today stubbornness - a code word for selfishness. You don't respond well when someone suggests the ongoing need for change in your life. When you see someone do something at work, you think, "If I did this..."

Hebrews 3:13 says we have to preach the Gospel to ourselves daily to prevent a hardening of our hearts. Selfish people don't believe they need to repent and change, because you're right.

3). You struggle with patience. When you see people "wasting your time," or people who "don't listen to you," you become irritable and impatient. Self-righteous people tend not to be patient and understanding with the failure of others.

Because you know what is right and best, other people are either a burdensome to you or they line-up with your right way to do things, right decisions you've made or become your friends because they're like you.

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What to do When Your Spouse Commits Adultery

Christianity + Pride Festivals

Worrying? Trust God. (from Sherri)

How to Talk Someone Out of Committing Suicide

The 5 Signs that You're about to have an Affair

3 Signs You're a Selfish Person

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