Category: Divorce

Deacons Ministering to Marriages

1/31/2014

I write a monthly devotional for our deacons at FBC Moreland. Next month is Valentine's Day and our deacons host a churchwide Valentine's Dinner every February. People are thinking about marriage this month. Many marriages are struggling. As a deacon, you'll want to minister to couple's marriages in your church. Ministering to marriages isn't just for deacons - if you have an opportunity to encourage a couple struggling, God wants to use you. Here's my February devotion:

One of the saddest things I sometimes witness is a family get divorced. Children go from living with mom and dad to only mom. Divorce is not God’s will (Mark 10:9) and leaves a devastating impact on children, grandchildren, even churches.

As a deacon, you minister to marriages. Every marriage experiences problems. When people have problems in their marriage, many times they don’t know whom to listen to, what to do, and what resources are available. Here are several “warning signs” a couple could be having marital problems:

Someone’s using the “D” word too casually. If a man is asking questions or talking about divorce (even sarcastically) he could be considering it.
A man no longer attends church with his wife and kids.
A man is working all the time, he’s never home.
A man can’t keep a steady job. Financial problems is the number one reason listed for divorce, higher than adultery (which is number two).
Unforgiveness. If a man is complaining about what his wife did three years ago – that’s a sign he hasn’t forgiven her. Bitterness and resentment destroy marriages.

What to do and say if a man is experiencing marital problems.

Stop and pray for the man and his wife. God hears our prayers and strengthens marriages.
Share what Jesus had to say about marriage and divorce (Matthew 5:27-32; 19:1-11; Luke 16:18).
Offer to meet with him regularly or refer him to a free marriage counselor. I recommend people to the Faith Biblical Counseling Center at Faith Bible Church in Sharpsburg. The director, David Birch, has spoken a couple of times at FBCM and the center is ACBC trained. www.faithbiblechurch.us

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Can a Divorced Man Serve as Deacon?

5/9/2013

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1 Timothy 3:12 states, "Deacons must be husbands of one wife." Does this one verse disqualify a man to serve as deacon in his church?

Here's what the Southern Baptist Convention says on the issue:
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3. Can a divorced person serve as a pastor (or deacon) in an SBC church?
4. Can a divorced pastor conduct baptisms or serve the Lord's Supper in an SBC church? Once again, because of the autonomous nature of SBC churches, there is no policy within the Convention that addresses these matters. Each church directs its own affairs apart from outside intervention, deciding for itself how to deal with such matters.

Some Southern Baptist churches have called pastors or elected deacons who had been divorced, but there is no way of knowing how many have done so. There are Southern Baptist churches that would not base their decision on the issue of divorce. Others would want to know if the divorce fell within the parameters of what some refer to as a "biblically allowed" divorce. Still other Southern Baptist churches view 1 Timothy 3:2 as barring any divorced man from pastoral or deacon ministry. Again, there is no way for us to know the actual numbers, but there likely is a significant number of churches representing each view. Most churches probably fall into either of the last two categories.
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The last two categories are the "exception clauses to divorce" and "no divorced deacons." You can read my article regarding the biblical exceptions to divorce and remarriage.

Other considerations on this issue is if a man is saved after his divorce. Colossians 2:13 states upon salvation, we're made alive with Christ and forgiven of our past.

Another view is how a man has lived decades after his divorce. If someone had a quick marriage and divorce at a young age, and now has been faithfully married for 30+ years - this is a different scenario than someone experiencing divorce last year. This view is promoted in a well-written article from Southern Baptist leader Joe McKeever. You can read it here.

What do I believe? Mark 10:9 states not to get divorced, but Matthew 5:32 offers the exception of "sexual immorality." If a man's divorce falls within one of the two biblical exceptions, he should not be disqualified to serve as a deacon. Remember, though, if the divorced man gets remarried, he becomes disqualified (Luke 16:18). Only death releases someone from marriage (Romans 7:2-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39). Scripture does not allow remarriage after divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:9). Divorce isn't what disqualifies most deacons, it's remarriage.

Here's a summary of the four major views of whether a divorced man is allowed to serve as deacon:

1). Not allowed - divorce disqualifies.
2). Allowed if divorce occurred before conversion to Christ.
3). Allowed if man has been faithfully married many years to current wife.
4). Allowed if divorce fell within biblical exceptions - and not remarried. (What I believe)

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The Exceptions to Divorce & Remarriage

1/21/2013

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God condemns divorce and remarriage (Mark 10:9-12). There are two exceptions for divorce and one exception for remarriage. It used to be hard and expensive to get a divorce - but no more. Google "divorce" and you can find an online divorce "on sale" for $149.

The Bible says when a man and woman marry, they become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is only to be broken by death (Romans 7:3). Here are the two exceptions for divorce:

Divorce

If your spouse commits "sexual immorality" you're permitted a divorce (Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9). These are the only two references in Scripture that permit divorce for sexual immorality - Jesus said we're permitted divorce because of the hardness of our hearts - divorce was never God's plan from the beginning (Matthew 19:8).

Second exception - if you're married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever leaves - you're to "let him leave" (1 Corinthians 7:15). God has called us to live in peace, not chase down your unbelieving husband.

These are the only two exceptions for biblical divorce - sexual immorality and if your unbelieving spouse leaves you. What about remarriage? If you're divorced, should a Christian remain single?

Remarriage

There is one exception for remarriage. If your spouse passes away you're released from your marriage vows (Romans 7:2-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39). Jesus said marrying a divorced person is "adultery" (Luke 16:18). Deuteronomy 24:4 considers remarriage "detestable to the Lord."

What are you to do?

1. Discourage Divorce – it’s not God’s will – only permitted.

2. Discourage Remarriage – only death allows a person to remarry.

3. Encourage Biblical Marriage – encourage people to observe God’s standards and being faithful to their current spouse. If a divorced person has remarried, they need to remain in their marriage - keep your promise, don't break your vows a second time. Only God can end a marriage.

Related Posts:

The 5 Signs You're About to Have an Affair
3 Signs Your Husband/Boyfriend is Viewing Porn

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Deacons Ministering to Marriages

Can a Divorced Man Serve as Deacon?

The Exceptions to Divorce & Remarriage

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